rut

you leave me vulnerable. like the air you breathe in. it's too easy.
you leave it improbable. like stones cast in air. it's gravity.

pulling you in, this gravity, sinking me in, it's drowning me.
you put this spell on me.

to you all.

in the event that i die. please take care of the kids.
goodnight.

Judge, me.

at the very least, understand. or attempt to. do not persist to tolerate - for that inquires annoyance on your end. it forces you to be in a place of hate, ill-tempered, and irritated.  attempt to understand - at the very least.

and at most,  love. for love deviates all that is evil. it will guide you. it will strengthen you. it will prove your faith wrong. at the very most, desire love. desire it's power to change, to enlighten, to grow.
attempt to love - at the very most. it's the least you can do. today.

Working with the Best Elites.

Yesterday's workout with absolutely strong and elite athletes at the gym put two words in my head:
Perseverance and Discipline.

A very engagingly difficult workout which involves running - outside of my element - made me wonder, How do these guys do it ? How do these guys maintain the mental tenacity , the pace, the strength and the power to keep going ?

Besides all the other variant elements involved, I saw Perseverance and Discipline stamped all over the evening as we managed 3 rounds of 400m runs, 21 kettlebell swings, and 12 pull ups.

Using Soon as a pacer in the first round was intriguing. Putting my abilities to the test, I attempted to 'follow' one of the very fittest in Malaysia at the moment (arguably). Shit myself after Round 1.
Round 2 saw me pacing up with Greg - a monster of a man with jaw dropping strength. Shitfaced after that too.

My body wanted to shutdown with the mind yelling, keep going. I did. And after 12:06, it was over. A time I never thought I'd achieve without 'following' these boys into the unknown - well, into an abyss of pain after.

Discipline is a word I never enjoyed hearing. Growing up, it meant regiment, it meant responsibility, it meant rules, it meant all the nasty things I detested. It didn't mean fun, it didn't mean a good time and certainly didn't mean enjoyment.

Yet, discipline helps us get there , with perseverance it keeps us fighting. Discipline allows us to focus at the end game. It keeps us in check - how we eat, how we choose to live our lives, how we go about handling the details.

Time to get a little more disciplined.

Korean boy and his rgandma

the epitome of a lady who has seen and experienced it all. i will meet once again. to feast, to enjoy and to love.
she turns 81. that smile is infectious. that laugh will make you wonder how good life is.

see ya'll later.

gambling.

dont't gamble.
because when you die , someone else has got to write cheques to settle your debts.

trust me. not a fun feeling.

Mentor you are.

a photo of my father, his father and mother at a dinner.

I've made it a point to seek mentors without even realising it. Without even asking them to be. By being close to them, sharing meals, speaking with, working with, I've managed to pick up a lot of things throughout the years.

Through my experience with these leaders, I've learned many things. How to better lead, how to better empower, how to better myself.

If you happen to read this and are awesome, I've noticed. Thank you for being my mentor. Directly and indirectly educating and sharpening as a man.

Parentals.

the day my aunt and cousin left malaysia , returning to australia. saying goodbye. 

The love of parents to their children will transcend the oceans, time and generations.
Your absence is a burden to their souls, a longing in their hearts.

Their earnest tears after years of not being able to have cast their their sights on you are as honest as the gravity of their love - imperfect, yet constant, ever-lasting, strong.

moments before.

it's like a perpetual storm you witness hovering across the horizon.
sometimes even, something like D-day at Normandy, lighting across the beach, avoiding machine gun fire,
sometimes, it's like a raging thought, going into a cage with a bear.

yet, you are calm. steady. and ready.
you see the storm and prepare every move to avoid destruction.
you see the bullets and chaos, yet your mind is in a calm and beautiful place.
the bear is out to kill you, but you've got all the right tactics to take it down.

The story of a deadlift.

Couple of month's back, I completed my first 200kg Deadlift at the expense of tearing a ligament in my spine. Sounds nasty, but it was more uncomfortable than painful.

The road to that recovery was long and frustrating, but indeed in my time of 'exile', I learned a lot about my body, how to capitalise on whatever 'resources' I had left and around me to make sure I didn't end up being a useless slob of shit.

Yesterday, there was a challenge at the gym to Deadlift 3-3-3. 3 reps for 3 sets basically. Due to these numbers, these lifts would need to be dead heavy. I decided to attempt 150-160-170kgs

Fear of course hit, with a little worry and anxiety. Questions like "Can I do it?" and "Will my back snap again?" surfaced in my head.

Psyching myself with some form of mental zen and a mix of rage, I thought of the HULK. How he needed to pick up Thor's Hammer. A little over-dramatic, but no I just thought of the HULK, of his brute strength. Of his power. I sound retarded.

Yet, safe to say, I achieved a personal best of 170kgs for 3 reps. When sometime last year, I only managed 185 for 1 Rep. To put this into perspective, I'm gearing up to get faster, stronger, better. Are you ?

jedi. 452012

she was a young padawan. learning about the world. 

about the desires of being thought, the ideas of the world, the stars and of cultures. 

beyond herself, she needed to be void. to empty herself. to learn. to be one with everything.

thatface. neesha

an afternoon of coffee and interesting stories only a movie can handle. 

there exists some form of magic in the world. 

I'm going to get my camera shit on.